Welcome to an Indian wedding!

The Indian wedding. It's famous for it's extravagance steeped in rituals. People see it in movies and ask me, is that true? Do weddings in India really go on for days? Well, yes! They do. We recently had the opportunity to attend our dear friend and artisan partner Jyoti's brother's wedding. This was an event we have been hearing about in anticipation for years. Soon after I first met Jyoti and her family, they started talking about the upcoming marriage. At the time, they didn't know who the bride would be, just that there was going to be a wedding soon because he had reached the right age to get married and settle down. 

Arranged marriage is one of the most common types of marriage in India. Before you start thinking how bad that might feel to marry someone that you've been set up with, let me explain the process a bit from how I've seen it go here. Marriages typically happen within communities. There are rules/guidelines for who is appropriate to marry (you don't want to marry a cousin, right?). Uncles and aunts start using their networks to find people who are also looking to get married. By using their social circles, they can find out if the family is good and can ensure a good future for their family member. Information starts coming in to the future bride/groom about potential matches (kind of like online dating these days). When they see someone who catches their interest, they invite the family to talk. If both the families agree to the match and the bride and groom agree as well, then the match has been made! The commitment hasn't just been made between two individuals, but between families in a community. Now they visit the priest and see if their match is good astrologically. If the priest agrees, then plans for the engagement begin! The couple starts to get to know each other better and in this case, they fell in love.

Our friend's engagement happened surrounded by both families and their communities. Weeks were spent shopping and preparing. We prepped the ifts for the bride and my friend and her relatives carried them on their heads to the event. We were greeted by the bride's aunts who were singing traditional Mewari songs, there was actually a sing-off between the two sides. All the gifts (jewelry, clothes, the bridal outfit, etc.) for the bride and groom were laid on the stage and later presented to the couple.

After a few weeks, it was time for the wedding! There were six main ceremonies for our friend's wedding. Every communities' rituals vary a bit but I will just share what happened in this wedding. We spent weeks picking out our outfits for each event, getting them tailored and finding the perfect jewelry to match. We also started dance practice to get ready for our performance the night before the wedding. The wedding events are different for both the bride and the groom's side, so here is how we celebrated on the groom's side.

Sunday

The first event: The Bindoli mixed with a few other rituals. This is a traditional Mewari ritual where the groom and all of the women in his extended family walk in a procession to the temple. The groom and his family made offerings at temples along the way. Halfway through the procession, the groom got on a fully-decked out horse to ride in style. We danced to the beat of the drums and continued on to the goddess' temple. There we helped get the dedicated clay pots together and helped stack them on top of some women's heads to carry back. This is the main part of the event and I walked close to my friend to make sure her pots didn't slip! We reached back home safely without any spills. These pots signify the five main goddesses and were kept in a special place for the remainder of the wedding. After this, all the women and the groom applied henna on their hands to show they were in celebration mode!

   

Monday

The second event: Mata ji pujan. A morning procession of women along with the groom took place. We walked to another local temple where offerings were made and prayers were said for the upcoming wedding. There are a lot of rituals in a wedding and it's important to fulfill each of them, no matter how small.

The third event: Haldi. One of the most classic rituals that happens in an Indian wedding. Everyone wore yellow and the groom was brought in front of everyone. We put turmeric paste on the groom's face, hands and feet to cleanse him before his wedding. Everyone got a turn and a photo. Then the party really got started! It all ended in a turmeric fight and everyone got a little bit on them.

The fourth event: Ladie's Sangeeth, aka the dance performances. The ladies from the groom's side performed choreographed dances. One thing you should know about India is dancing is close to people's hearts and there are specific moves to specific songs. At most events, there is dancing and if you participate, then you have shown everyone that you've had a good time! Jyoti, Analise and I worked on our dance everyday for a week leading up to this event. Let me tell you, I am not a dancer, but we did great! The practice paid off! We ate a wonderful  dinner with my favorite dessert- ras malai and watched the rest of the performances. The night ended in a big dance party!

Tuesday

The fifth event: Baraat, aka grooms wedding procession. Everyone got ready for the wedding. Then as the groom left the house, he made an offering and sat on another decorated white horse. The women of the family fed him sweets, gave him money and got him ready to go to the wedding. Then the Baraat started and a band lead the procession to the wedding garden. Friends and family followed along and danced their way to the wedding. It lasted for a couple of hours and once we arrived, the bride's family welcomed the groom's side and the groom had to "pay" his way in by trying to get money into clay pots on women's heads. Once we were let in, we had some snacks and got set up for the wedding ceremony.

The sixth event: Phere, aka wedding ceremony, followed by the reception. The bride arrived and the couple was seated around a ceremonial fire with the priest and their family members. This was the actual wedding ceremony where they made vows to each other and are married. To make it official, they walked around the fire 7 times to demonstrate their vows. This is a holy and very special ceremony that bonds the couple for life. The bride was given her wedding necklace, toe rings, anklets and other marriage symbols and we celebrated with confetti poppers! The kids kept an eye on the groom's shoes and once they came off, they were fair game. They hid them from him and he had to pay to get them back (another fun tradition). The bride's side gave gifts to the newlyweds and then the reception started. Hundreds of people came to congratulate the families and share in the excitement. We had a delicious meal and there were lots of people to chat with. The newlyweds sat up front on a stage and guests came up to greet and congratulate them. 

We rushed home to prepare for the next ritual which had to take place before midnight. The newlyweds were welcomed to their new home and new lives together after the wedding. This was the first time the bride stepped foot in her new home. There were a lot of rituals that were going on, but my favorite was when Jyoti and her sister wouldn't let the newlyweds get past them without paying up. There are lots of fun games and traditions that everyone looks forward to playing when it's their turn.

Wednesday

The next morning, close family members came over to watch the newlyweds play some ice breaker games. They played an assortment of games but my favorite was when they hid a ring in turmeric water and the newlyweds played to see who could find it first. They say whoever finds the ring first, rules the house! And the bride found the ring first. Good luck newlyweds and many congratulations!

Bye for now!

Elizabeth